Conclave Collation

Hello, avid followers of our life at St. Peter's!  It has come to our attention that there is, perhaps, a dearth of literature on what one does to celebrate the accession of a new Pontifex Maximus.  This is most likely due to the fact that it is a rare event, but we choose to cite global warming as the cause.  Be that as it may, such an event as this demands great joy and celebration, and we at Providence House Think Tank (your source for scathingly brilliant ideas of all kinds) are pleased to bring to you some thoughts on the proper way to throw a Papist Party.  Here are some things you cannot do without:

Habemus Pope-corn

Papst Blue-Ribbon Beer

Goldfish Crackers, Swedish Fish

Pope-overs

Smoked Meats (whether smoked by white or black smoke is irrelevant.  The Catholic Church intends no racial preference by her use of white smoke to indicate election)

Gaudium Magnum (for the champagne afficionado)

Peppermint Bark of St. Peter

Cigars and other smokables

Pope-sicles of all kinds

Ring Pops

...and finally, be sure to have a large bowl of Popery, preferably incense scented, somewhere in your house